How the way we end conversations leads to confusion or action

There's a right and wrong way to conclude a conversation with your coworkers
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Have you ever worked with some­one who uses con­fu­sion and com­plex­i­ty and avoids action? Instead of fig­ur­ing out the next thing to do, they talk about how big a prob­lem is. Instead of tak­ing action, they freeze.

I had a work col­league that used this tac­tic. In crit­i­cal con­ver­sa­tions, she would talk at length about many dif­fer­ent angles of an issue. We would dis­cuss the ten­sions that caused a par­tic­u­lar prob­lem but rarely reached a solu­tion. She would con­clude these unpro­duc­tive con­ver­sa­tions with a sig­na­ture phrase “yeah, isn’t this com­pli­cat­ed?”

Yeah, isn’t this com­pli­cat­ed” is a way of say­ing, this sit­u­a­tion is over­whelm­ing, I don’t know what to do. It’s a way of say­ing, “the work we are doing takes effort, but I don’t want to do any­thing.”. Instead of fig­ur­ing out an action plan and doing stuff, yeah, it’s com­pli­cat­ed was a way of avoid­ing move­ment.

Avoiding movement

Avoid move­ment is safe. No action buys us time. We don’t have to face ten­sions with peo­ple and do the dif­fi­cult emo­tion­al work of decid­ing.

Moving toward action: how to end conversations with helpful phrases

Instead of leav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion con­fused, we should seek clar­i­ty. I like Bre­nee Brown’s phrase: “clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” We must define and cre­ate projects, not com­plain about prob­lems. We can orga­nize our projects by decid­ing who owns it, decid­ing who is going to take the next step, and by when. It takes a lit­tle more effort, but the end result is a much.

Here are some helpful questions that may help you end conversations toward clarity:

  1. Who owns this?
  2. How will we know if this is a suc­cess?
  3. What does suc­cess look like to you?
  4. How can I help?
  5. What do you want me to do?

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